How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dis-ing them anyhow?

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

A villain is just a victim whose story hasn’t been told.

Eternal nothingness is okay if you are dressed for it.

All the social ills thatlaw presumes to correct exist because people are not free tolearn and grow.

Of course I took something from the [Glee set]. I took my entire shoe collection, that's all I would ever need.

I had this rare privilege of being able to pursue in my adult life, what had been my childhood dream.

Our most successful leaders are people who put other people first … in the long run, that’s exactly what makes them successful.

The new Republican Congress should move full speed ahead to repeal and replace Obamacare. It would be unwise to wait for the Supreme Court to perform this service for the American people.

But it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I touch by what I have said. You are hurting yourself. There is no way I can take this personally.

A gastronomical supermeal didn't necessarily have to involve the things I had brought from other top kitchens.

We need to make sure that people can save all the money they spend on medical care by getting it back from their taxes, by reducing their tax burden.