How do I relax? This might sound slightly ridiculous but I play the ukulele for at least an hour a day and I find something really blissful about it.

A dog is not intelligent. Never trust an animal that's surprised by it's own farts

Cider was my drink because I liked the taste and it made me stupid.

You can spend your whole life trying to be popular, but at the end of the day, the size of the crowd at your funeral will be largely dictated by the weather.

I honestly thought my marriage would work because me and the wife did share a sense of humour. We had to really, because she didn't have one.

So, Arsenal have signed Arsene Wenger because his name sounds a bit like the club. How long before Man Utd sign Stefan Kuntz?

We're always hearing about risk-takers whose risks paid off, but they are no braver than those whose risks end in ridicule.

Professional footballers - those virile young stags of our modern culture - are near perpetual fountains of sputum.

I'm world-famous in West Bromwich.

Never do anything local or insignificant

One of the worst times to give up on yourself is when you are surrounded by negative circumstances. Your life is too precious to ever allow it to become a prisoner to trials and tribulations.

Avoid pulpits, platforms, stages and pedestals. Keep to the hard ground. It is the only way you can judge your approximate status as a man.

I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.

But I needed to prove to everyone that I was a serious musician.

Right now I'm really happy with how things are going with my chess career, so I'm not thinking of doing anything else.

To teach is to learn... If we ever think we know all there is to know about our creativity we are dead as artists.

General principles should not be based on exceptional cases.

A book which is left on a shelf is a dead thing but it is also a chrysalis, an inanimate object packed with the potential to burst into new life.