How do you fall into a lion's den, that is my first question there, you think you would be extra carefull around a den of lions.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

A true leader is a servant.

It is not very difficult to build world peace. We just have to be kind to each other and treat each other with great care.

Puns are the highest form of literature.

Heraldry is the fusion of fact and fancy, myth and manner, romance and reality. It is an exuberant union of family, art, and history.

It's true that the question of Iraq divided Europe.

For the record, Irish," he informed her tightly, just in case she got the wrong idea, "I kneel to no one.

We belong to the One mastering God: you belong to the republic of playful gods.

I want to state unequivocally for the world, as well as for the markets, as well as for the American people: I have no doubt that we will not lose the full faith and credit of the United States.

Without zest, what is life? Just waiting for death?

While I was serving, I worked as an adventure training officer, teaching soldiers how to ski, canoe and climb.