How do you know if your child is a writer? Your obstetrician holds his stethoscope to your abdomen and only hears excuses.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

My favorite animal is steak.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

I wish you to know that you have been the last dream of my soul.

I don't think-""Clearly. Why start now?

The Mean Value Theorem is the midwife of calculus - not very important or glamorous by itself, but often helping to deliver other theorems that are of major significance.

If you’re going to die on screen, you’ve got to be strong and in good health.

Celebrate the cracks, because that's how the light comes in.

Sometimes pantheists will use the term "pandeism" to underscore that they share with the deists the idea that God is not a personal God who desires to be worshipped.

I'm not really sure where that comes from, ... Maybe it's because I've lived more than most 25-year-olds. I left school at an early age, traveled a lot ... but I still have a far way to go.

Anger is just a demand for change, a passionate wish for things to be different.

I think a lot of people get into stand-up to be the center of attention, which is perfectly legitimate. But I think I got in there to be heard.

Varicose veins are the result of an improper selection of grandparents.