How many people saw Arnold's speech last night? I haven't seen that many Kennedys in one place since their last trial.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Without hardship, I would never have learnt to rely on God alone for help.

Should we try to account for all the gifts of life there would be no time for distress and uneasiness.

One of the things that I'm glad about, though, is that regular people can relate to me.

The likelihood of one individual being right increases in direct proportion to the intensity to which others are trying to prove him wrong.

As far as all of our identities are dependent on how other people imagine us we are all making ourselves and each other up all the time

That shot might not have been as good as it might have been.

The after-party is always at a restaurant, and for me, the fun starts when I get a cheese platter. That's as f-ed up as I get.

My first warning is to my government officers to not presume citizens as thieves.

Creativity is your best makeup skill, don't be afraid to experiment.

The Ascension is actually the birth of the Inner You expressed as the spiritual individualism of the inner particle state.