How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

Future strong cultures and relationships are built upon intense 'I have your back' bonds.

When people pressure you to engage in negative decisions and actions, look at them boldly in the eyes and dare them to do good.

Those who are growing great are always asking “why?” If they fail or lose, they ask “why?” If they succeed or win too, they ask “why?

The ideal artist is he who knows everything, feels everything, experiences everything, and retains his experience in a spirit of wonder and feeds upon it with creative lust.

Communicate. Listen to your customers, associates and competitors.

The best feeling in the world is to know that you belong to me and you are mine. Every morning that is all I need to know and that itself is enough for me to have a good day.

Logic doesn't really provide for loyalty. If your logic changes suddenly and things not make sense, you can alter your allegiance, but love stops you from being able to do that.

Noone knows exactly where thought comes from, but it can be said that thought comes from the same place as whatever it is that beats our heart.. it comes from being alive.

If our Trade be taxed, why not our Lands, or Produce in short, everything we possess? They tax us without having legal representation.

Even the ignorant may appear very worthy, If they keep silent before the learned.