Humor is a terrific tool for explaining things, especially when what you're explaining is frightening or dull and complicated.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

To become a better you, remember to be grateful to people who have contributed to making you who you are today.

There's no way to know what makes one thing happen and not another. What leads to what. What destroys what. What causes what to flourish or die or take another course.

I have made it a rule of my life to trust a man long after other people gave him up, but I don't see how I can ever trust any human being again.

Unfortunately, when someone asks me for a favor, I cant say no. Because of my upbringing - my Catholic guilt - if I dont do it, it plagues me.

The greatest danger to the Christian church today is that of pitching its message too low.

Eating meat is primitive, barbaric, and arrogant.

Joys too exquisite to last, And yet more exquisite when past.

Man's proper stature is not one of mediocrity, failure, frustration, or defeat, but one of achievement, strength, and nobility. In short, man can and ought to be a hero.

The greatest commander is he whose intuitions most nearly happen.

The university most worthy of rational admiration is that one in which your lonely thinker can feel himself lonely, most positively furthered, and most richly fed