Humor is like music. It's a rhythm, and you just kind of get the rhythm of it, and you have to know not to let the beat go too long, but to leave a beat in there for it to gel.

People forget the good that zoos do. If it weren't for zoos, we would have so many species that would be extinct today.

If the guy's a cutie, you've gotta tap that booty.

I'm a teenager trapped in an old body.

I may be a senior, but so what? I'm still hot.

Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment

Keep the other person's well being in mind when you feel an attack of soul-purging truth coming on.

If one has no sense of humor, one is in trouble.

Get at least 8 hours of beauty sleep. 9 if you're ugly.

We didn’t have Facebook in my day, we had a phone book but you wouldn’t waste an afternoon on it

I don't know how people get so anti-something. Just mind your own business, take care of your own affairs, and don't worry about other people so much.

The United States is the result of an enlightened philosophy

...love was the closest thing to immortality that men would ever know and that the only--and best--answer to death is loving. Loving.

It marks a big step in your development when you come to realize that other people can help you do a better job than you could do alone.

He that can carp in the most eloquent or acute manner at the weakness of the human mind is held by his fellows as almost divine.

Anomalocaridids seemed to lack front limbs, being an arthropod - being a joint-legged animal - and not having legs, it's kind of embarrassing.

I went onto reality TV as a business decision.

Take a cat, nourish it well with milk and tender meat, make it a couch of silk.

Man is dragged hither and thither, at one moment by the blind instincts of the forest, at the next by the strange intuitions of a higher self whose rationale he doubts and does not understand.

The unique thing about my life is the extent to which it took me on a path-business-I had no desire to walk.

Sometimes God lets you be in a situation that only He can fix so that you can see that He is the One who fixes it. Rest. He's got it.