Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but it has no persuasive value at all.

The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness.

Oligopoly is an imperfect monopoly. Like the despotism of the Dual Monarchy, it is saved only by its incompetence.

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.

But there is merit even in the mentally retarded legislator. He asks the questions that everyone is afraid to ask for fear of seeming simple.

Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.

If all else fails immortality can always be assured by adequate error.

The process by which banks create money is so simple that the mind is repelled.

There is certainly no absolute standard of beauty. That precisely is what makes its pursuit so interesting.

Simple minds, presumably, are the easiest to manage.

Every corner of the public psyche is canvassed by some of the most talented citizens to see if the desire for some merchandisable product can be cultivated.

when one's avenue of retreat is cut off there is only one way to go - forward.

We’re toasting the chlorophyll rising in our bodies, catching the energy from the universe. Nobody’s ever been young like we are right at this moment.

If the sun isn't shining where you are, be the sunshine where you are.

I don't drop players. I make changes.

Kelly Kelly really graduated from high school?

I'm proud of my Irish heritage and culture.

Of all the things that matter, that really and truly matter, working more efficiently and getting more done, is not one of them.

I'm going to get drunk and insult as many musicians from the 80's as is humanly possible.

Everything is a piece of me, a moment of my life.

If we shadows have offended, Think but this, and all is mended, That you have but slumber'd here While these visions did appear.