Humor is the best means of surviving in a difficult world.

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes!

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

Dishonesty in a woman is a thing you never blame deeply.

We ought not to be weary of doing little things for the love of God, who regards not the greatness of the work, but the love with which it is performed.

He who prides himself on giving what he thinks the public wants is often creating a fictitious demand for low standards which he will then satisfy.

My dad was very much a John Wayne kind of guy, but he was also a great guy, great sense of humor, a real dedicated dad. I don't think he ever missed a hockey game I was in.

Not to go back is somewhat to advance, and men must walk, at least, before they dance.

I'm just an individual who doesn't feel that I need to have somebody qualify my work in any particular way. I'm working for me.

John Wetteland had a very good curveball. He threw it for a strike, too, in any count, any situation. But, he really didnt use it much. He didnt want to throw it. He wanted to throw fastball-slider.

Everything that scares you is an opportunity to know your best self better.

You run a grave risk, my boy," said the magician, "of being turned into a piece of bread, and toasted.

Any fool can make soap. It takes a clever man to sell it.