Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.

If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

When introverts are in conflict with each other...it may require a map in order to follow all the silences, nonverbal cues and passive-aggressive behaviors!

The more you read, the more things you will know.

... love moves the world along.

As you know, in most areas of science, there are long periods of beginning before we really make progress.

I believe in white supremacy until the blacks are educated to the point of responsibility. I don't believe in giving authority and positions of leadership and judgment to irresponsible people.

The brewing industry is a very, very male dominated industry. It's a male bastion.

Deep in my heart I know my future soul mate is not waiting for me online.

Anyone who says businessmen deal in facts, not fiction, has never read old five-year projections.

If I have to draw attention away from some hormone-induced acne on my chin, I put on a lot of mascara.

For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.