Humor is the truth; wit is an exaggeration of the truth.

If any of you cry at my funeral I'll never speak to you again.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be led.

I feel like dying when I'm helpless

I had a dream I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

Humor is the truth wit is an exaggeration of the truth.

That August, Elodie Selkirk became the latest lady in Paris to order a coin-operated boy.

Popularity is a crime from the moment it is sought it is only a virtue where men have it whether they will or not.

Truth is always unfolding. It's not an absolute.

I think the most important thing people can do is to learn about their watershed. And it's something no one knows.

Just because someone's dead doesn't mean it's over. My grandfather died more than 25 years ago, but I still think of him a lot and smell his smell.

Yes, it is the Big Easy, home of the shortest hangover on the planet, where libation can greet you on Monday morning with the same smile as it did on Saturday night.

I love my DSL, but I love my WiFi more. And I probably get on the Internet 40 percent to 50 percent more because of the combination of those technologies.

I like the transience of Klimt paintings.

The last word of our Lord to the church was not the Great Commission. The last thing He said to the church was 'Repent.' He said that to five out of seven.

We are not a body with a soul, but a soul with a body. When the body dies the soul returns to the source.