Humor may be defined as the kindly contemplation of the incongruities of life, and the artistic expression thereof.

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.

The landlady of a boarding-house is a parallelogram - that is, an oblong angular figure, which cannot be described, but which is equal to anything

Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that we first make believe a thing is so, and lo, it presently turns out to be so.

It may be those who do most, dream most.

I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.

A half truth, like half a brick, is always more forcible as an argument than a whole one. It carries better.

Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike - information and wit

I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.

It takes a good deal of physical courage to ride a horse. This, however, I have. I get it at about forty cents a flask, and take it as required.

People think that you are a nasty, selfish person if you don't want to have children.

Sincere doubts, handled properly, can become a gift.

Those who have matured spiritually, now put service to others at the center of their quest and of their lives.

There are times when the simple dignity of movementcan fulfill the function of a volume of words.

Things are the way they are because they were the way they were.

We asked Jane Fonda if she would like to meet American pilots in Hanoi, but she refused, she didn't want to.

I dont call myself a very good Christian, but I think I know one when I see one, and I also think I know when I dont.

I loved something I made up

It is better to discuss things, to argue and engage in polemics than make perfidious plans of mutual destruction.

Your soul was like a network of spittle.