I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, he said, BUT I COULD MURDER A CURRY.

He'd been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower.

Oh. I see. People don't want to see what can't possibly exist.

It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever, " he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?

How do you get all those coins?" asked Mort.IN PAIRS.

His granny taught him to read, see. I reckon it overheated his mind.

And he goes around killing people?” said Mort. He shook his head. “There’s no justice.”Death sighed. No, he said... there’s just me.

It struck Mort with sudden, terrible poignancy that Death must be the loneliest creature in the universe. In the great party of Creation, he was always in the kitchen.

As an anonymous wit is supposed to have put it: "Hydrogen is a light, odorless gas which, given enough time, changes into people.

Personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a checklist of acquisition. Your qualifications are not your life.

My whole life was about her, what if her whole life wasn’t all about me?

For me, comedy is a day-to-day report on the human condition. It's what's happening right now. I get maybe 20 minutes of my act straight from the newspaper.

The relationship between the prophet and the President, the priest and the President, is a sacred one.

Let us dedicate ourselves to what the Greeks wrote so many years ago: to tame the savageness of man and make gentle the life of this world.

I have always suspected that the reading is right, which requires many words to prove it wrong; and the emendation wrong, that cannot without so much labour appear to he right.

I hate the word assistant. No one works for me. I work with everyone because I couldn't do anything without the people that I work with.

I can't believe there is a poet who hasn't eagerly put down a word one day, only to erase it the next day deciding it was sheer lunacy. It's part of the process of selection.