I admit that I have sometimes claimed to be Batman in the past. But only when really, really drunk.

You're miserable, edgy and tired. You're in the perfect mood for journalism.

Scotch whisky is made from barley and the morning dew on angel's nipples.

If you believe that your thoughts originate inside your brain, do you also believe that television shows are made inside your television set?

Read comics. All comics. And then cut them open to steal their power.

I want a tattoo over my heart that reads TRY HARDER YOU LAZY PARAMEDIC SHITBAG OR I WILL HAUNT YOUR BEDROOM FOREVER

That means that the universe is two-dimensional. Matter, energy, time, you, me and the floor are holograms.

The single simplest reason why human space flight is necessary is this, stated as plainly as possible: keeping all your breeding pairs in one place is a retarded way to run a species.

Wolves ate even mighty hunters, for there was no honor or code among predators, and everyone's guts steam the same way when torn open on a cold night.

Drinking is fun! It makes me feel horrible and sexy!

What if I left my memory in the future and I have to catch up to it?

Sometimes things become possible if we want them bad enough.

What? No defense? Any student of mine must be able to defend his ideas against an attack. No matter how you spend your life, your wit will defend you more often than a sword. Keep it sharp!

I thought I would just become a pro at a golf course.

What we commonly call death does not destroy the body, it only causes a separation of spirit and body.

For as long as I can remember, I've had memories.

MTV didn't call. I guess I wasn't hip and groovy enough

If you only know one kriya, then share that. Just be humble, teach it. Every student is a teacher.

To understand what is right meditation there must be an awareness of the operation of one's own consciousness, and then there is complete attention.

What troubles me is not that movie stars run for office, but that they find it easy to get elected. It should be difficult. It should be difficult for millionaires, too.

I'm too busy. I have no time for worry.