I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

Ignite the fire in thy soul.

Another piano falls, but this time it's me— or my lascivious loneliness, or my grab bag of mental instabilities and emotional shortcomings, or whatever.

Whoever thought a tiny candy bar should be called fun size was a moron.

I love not man the less, but Nature more.

Superior strength is found in the long run to lie with those who had right on their side.

I'm a modern Muslim. I pray, and if I have a question, I ask someone who is more educated in the religion than me.

There are a lot of things not going well for Microsoft right now - Microsoft reorganization appears to be rearranging the chairs on the Titanic.

Empathy represents the foundation skill for all the social competencies important for work.

One is given to self-dramatization from time to time. I intend to live forever.

I always add a year to myself, so I'm prepared for my next birthday. So when I was 39, I was already 40.