I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.

Whiskey will always be a part of my life.

Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.

The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.

If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?

Don't do drugs to be cool, do 'em because you hate yourself.

I've never been swimming, and that's because it's never been more than half an hour since I last ate.

I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.

At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota

Hugs are great, but - better than drugs? Come on. Let me put it to you this way: I never drove to Harlem at 4 a.m. to get somebody to hug me.

Well I have a drug history and a public drinking problem and I am not the healthiest guy. So they just ran that I died of a drug overdose.

A strong, positive self-image is the best possible preparation for success.

I had my moment on the stage. The trick in life is to know when to leave.

Becoming enlightened is not special, but it's unusual.

One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.

What if God was one of us, just a slob like one of us?

Jericho Barrons was my poison now.

When I was a kid, the book that I liked the most was 'Aesop's Fables.' There was a version of it that my father read stories to us kids out of. I liked the idea of the short story format.

I know nothing more annoying when people I don't know jump to conclusions on my person based on nothing but gossip or speculation.

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.