I almost think it is the ultimate destiny of science to exterminate the human race.

There are two reasons for drinking wine...when you are thirsty, to cure it; the other, when you are not thirsty, to prevent it... prevention is better than cure.

Seamen three! what men be ye? Gotham's three Wise Men we be. Whither in your bowl so free? To rake the moon from out the sea. The bowl goes trim. The moon doth shine, And our ballast is old wine.

Clouds on clouds, in volumes driven, curtain round the vault of heaven.

The juice of the grape is the liquid quintessence of concentrated sunbeams.

The waste of plenty is the resource of scarcity.

He kept at true good humor's mark The social flow of pleasure's tide: He never made a brow look dark, Nor caused a tear, but when he died.

Marriage may often be a stormy lake, but celibacy is almost always a muddy horsepond.

The mountain sheep are sweeter, But the valley sheep are fatter. We therefore deemed it meeter To carry off the latter.

I never failed to convince an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away.

Sir, I have quarrelled with my wife; and a man who has quarrelled with his wife is absolved from all duty to his country.

Today is the oldest you've ever been, and the youngest you'll ever be again.

Never ever let a stupid criticise you. And as we already know, everyone is stupid.

Compassion without action is meaningless.

You know, from age 17 on, my paycheck was coming from cooking and working in kitchens.

There is no elevator to success. You have to take the stairs.

People count with self-satisfaction the number of times they have recited the name of God on their prayer beads, but they keep no beads for reckoning the number of idle words they speak.

I want you to believe...to believe in things that you cannot.

I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.

There's so much more important parts other than pole vaulting.

You may miss the end of the world, but you definitely are going to have a front row seat for the end of your world.