I also smoke a lot of pot, occasionally, every day.

I do think certain kinds of music can make you violent. Like, when I listen to Nickelback, it makes me want to kill Nickelback.

I've been trying to quit smoking weed and it's really hard quitting pot. It was actually easier to become a vegetarian because your friends never show up at your house with a sack of beef.

Metal is the feeling of being an outsider, but still being part of something huge.

I was such a nerd in high school, I didn't even have imaginary friends, I had imaginary bullies.

Because I go outside sometimes, I'm exposed to terrible, terrible music in public.

Good comedy makes you laugh, and bad comedy makes people you hate laugh.

I like any big city. I like any place where you can see a guy with a pants-full of pooh fighting a ghost.

My act is pretty much me reflecting on what I want to talk about and what I think is funny and what has happened to me.

As a comic, I used to know more about pop culture.

Metal is easily my favorite thing - Exodus and Anthrax and Megadeth - so it just kind of organically came through in the standup act.

The cornerstone of our thoughts begins with the spirited flames of our far-reaching imagination.

I'm very sentimental about lobsters. The last lobster I ate was the only lobster I cooked.

You ask me what life is. That's like asking what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot, and there's nothing more to know.

Most of us find it difficult to accept a definition of love that says we are never loved in a context where there is abuse.

Cassie Wright knows, the moment you make yourself available to any man, he starts to take you for granted

I have some women friends but I prefer men. Dont trust women. There is a built-in competition between women.

The intelligent man is never bored.

tht's why u mst never forget ma sister jodie

The place one's in, though, doesn't make any contribution to peace of mind: it's the spirit that makes everything agreeable to oneself.

In golf, driving is a game of free-swinging muscle control, while putting is something like performing eye surgery and using a bread knife for a scalpel.