I always compare marriage to communism. They're both institutions that don't conform to human nature, so you're going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.

4 minutes in and this video has already given me an erection

Cry when you must. It relieves the soul of all pain.

Faith is the subtle chain which binds us to the infinite.

No emperor has the power to dictate to the heart.

I am very little inclined on any occasion to say anything unless I hope to produce some good by it.

I can't wait to be able to drive, but it's hard. Good driving doesn't really run in my family genes. My mother is possibly the worst driver ever.

The more he gave away, the more delighted he became.

In working on a poem, I love to revise. Lots of younger poets don't enjoy this, but in the process of revision I discover things

If you ever feel sorry for somebody on a golf course, you better go home. If you don't kill them, they'll kill you.