I always had one goal, and that was to be a real funny stand-up comic, and that's pretty much what I'm doing. And everything else is kind of like gravy - TV, movies.

When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique.

I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.

If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.

I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.

I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.

If the tree doesn't hug you back, it's not a problem with the tree, it's a problem with your heart.

Everything we do means something.

When we have a world of only now with no shadows of yesterdays or clouds of tomorrow then saying what we can do will work.

The Peace Corps is a sort of Howard Johnson's on the main drag into maturity.

Things musicals taught me: All your problems will go away if you sing about it.

There is no such thing as low-cost Christianity. Following Jesus means swimming against the tide, renouncing evil and selfishness

I've been on some fairways that are as good as the greens we putted on back then. We had crab grass. I remember one green where I putted through ants.

Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche.

Master your breath, let the self be in bliss, contemplate on the sublime within you.

If the book is true, it will find an audience that is meant to read it.