I always hate telling my jokes in print 'cause I always feel like it reads so not funny and people read it and they think, 'Oh, so that's what that guy does in his stand-up? That's terrible.'

I just didn’t want to be pigeonholed as an 'ethnic comic' or an 'Asian comic.' I just wanted to be on the same playing field as everyone else.

Sometimes you gotta work a little, so you can ball a lot.

I'm an optimist - I feel like an amazing part of life is that at any moment.

I like going out and I like being single, but a growing part of me would rather just stay home, cook food with someone I really like, and do nothing.

Regardless of your ethnicity or anything, if you do great work, people will notice and you'll get hired.

Do you realize how much better the world would be if we all just treated each other the same way black dudes treat magicians?

I spend so much time on the Internet...I feel like I'm a million pages into the worst book ever, and I'm never going to stop reading.

One of the big things I miss about New York is not my friends so much; it's Shake Shack, the burger place. I miss Shake Shack.

You’re a feminist if you go to a Jay Z and Beyoncé concert, and you’re not like, ‘Mmm, I feel like Beyoncé should get 23 percent less money than Jay Z'.

I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to 'cause then there's more room for me on the low road.

Because I hate the ocean, theme parks and airplanes, talking with strangers, waiting in line. I'm through with these pills that make me sit still, are you feeling fine? Yes, I feel just fine.

Each victory with God can bring a reassurance once more that the ones born of God are victorious

Forget politics and what their platforms were and everything, because you can take whoever you want to take, but the guy that I liked was Nixon... He was a smart man.

There once was a demographic survey done to determine if money was connected to happiness and Ireland was the only place where this did not turn out to be true.

We are miracles. So don't deny yourself the miracle of happiness.

I thank God that I have been meeting so many people who want to help me.

In any moment, I guess we could whip out a guitar and start playing old school.

A dog will never forget the crumb thou gavest him, though thou mayst afterwards throw a hundred stones at his head.

Do you need someone to make you a paper badge with the word WRITER on it before you can believe you are one? God I hope not.

I'm a better person when I'm preparing for a role, when I'm studying a role.