I always knew what I was doing.

One of these days... One of these days... Pow! Right in the kisser!

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.

If you have it and you know you have it, then you have it. If you have it and don't know you have it, you don't have it. If you don't have it but you think you have it, then you have it.

Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable.

Sometimes the feeling that life is great just swells up inside you and fills you with joy.

Drinking removes warts and pimples. Not from me. But from those I look at.

A lot of people say, 'Well, I like a challenge. 'I don't like challenges. Life is tough enough without any challenges.

Does God have a sense of humor? He must have if He created us.

Golf and women are a lot alike. You know you are not going to wind up with anything but grief, but you can't resist the impulse.

I'm no alcoholic. I'm a drunkard. There's a difference. A drunkard doesn't like to go to meetings.

Their faces were as a rule good-natured rather than beautiful.

Obscurity is a good thing. You can fail in obscurity. It removes the fear of failure.

Now everything is sold on the Internet and anybody at all who doesn't know a thing can give their opinion.

To injure an opponent is to injure yourself. To control aggression without inflicting injury is the Art of Peace.

If Jesus had been a hunchback, they could hardly have nailed him to the cross.

Having a profile means you have to be cautious of who you let into your world, as you don't know if they're being genuine or not, but it's more that it can be a strain on your relationships.

I've always considered myself a nonfiction artist.

If we are to keep our democracy, there must be one commandment: thou shalt not ration justice.

I am trying to impress myself. I have yet to do it.

I used to try to figure out precisely what I was seeing all the time, until I discovered that I didn't need to. If the thing is true, why there it is.