I always like to find those little mom-and-pop sandwich places, or diners. Those are my favorite kind of places.

I like those older theaters - the acoustics are perfect, I mean, you just have that feel of there's been a thousand shows in there and now you get to be one.

I chewed up a lot of Florida highway when I was starting out. Used to come to Tampa two or three times a year for about 10 years straight.

As a comic, I've heard gunshots while I'm trying to get to sleep. I've performed where people wanted to do you harm after the show because of something you said.

Sometimes WRONG is worth the FUNNY!

I mean, yeah, I want to lose some weight! I'm doing the best I can.

Stand-up will always come first. I've been doing it for 22 years, and nothing compares to that connection you have with the audience. It's euphoric.

I'm from Minnesota! I used to work Knuckleheads at the Mall of America as a stand-up. I spent New Year's there once. I'm not trying to namedrop.

A friend is a friend who continues to love you and like you when you don't love him or like him any more.

Your true power is not in your difference, but in your consistency of being different. The world will always adjust to consistency, yet struggle with change.

It is most unlikely. But--here comes the big "but"--not impossible.

Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it’ll always get you the right ones.

Nothing is so opportune for tyrants as a people tired of its liberty.

I just really love people a lot. I really love them.

Television, although It's in steep decline, still occasionally gives voices to people who don't have voices.

We are formed and molded by our thoughts. Those whose minds are shaped by selfless thoughts give joy when they speak or act.

I was an excellent student before I left school. But I graduated early so that I could work longer hours on '90210.

I've been an advocate for public education for a long time. It's the way people are able to improve their lives.