I always liked Mitt Romney. He looks like the salesman who follows you around at Brooks Brothers.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Everybody needs his memories. They keep the wolf of insignificance from the door.

Learn from the past but don't forget to live for the present moment. This moment is your life.

At least I can say that I'm honest.

Speaking of New York as a traveller I have two faults to find with it. In the first place there is nothing to see; and in the second place there is no mode of getting about to see anything.

If you want to fly with the eagles you can't hang out with the crows.

You can really get poked in the back and not feel it very much, but just a feather around your lips and you really do feel it.

I've always paid my own way, I've never lived off anyone.

I've started to show the consistency in majors I had in regular tournaments back in 1998-2000 when I was contending nearly every week.

It is India's responsibility to display its strength to the World through knowledge and innovations.

Harold Wilson is a petty bourgeois and will remain so in spirit even if they make him a Viscount.