I always plan dinner first thing in the morning. That's the only way I can get through the day, having a specific meal to look forward to at night.

Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.

Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.

A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!

You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.

Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.

My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'

The Lord gave and the Lord hath taken away blessed be the name of the Lord.

Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn't stop to enjoy it.

Truth is like a waterslide-only fun when it's slippery and wet.

I can't tell you how many shows I've done with full-blown migraine headaches.

The Defense Department must do a better job of providing the best possible care for service women who are victims of sexual assault.

The more ways we have to connect, the more many of us seem desperate to unplug.

That which is called God's wrath, and anger, is a means of discipline.

May today be a happy memory, tomorrow a bright new promise. Happy Birthday

While we are free to choose, once we have made those choices, we are tied to the consequences of those choices.

The worse we treat people in this country, the more delicately we talk about them.