I always say that 'Futurama' is real, and 'The Simpsons' is fiction.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The scary thing about the future... there will be tiny cameras everywhere, and they'll be flying around like mosquitoes and drones. That will be bad. Drones are scary. You can't reason with a drone.

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

Breakthroughs arise when someone can combine many ideas together. Think broadly, not deeply.

Our God has boundless resources. The only limit is in us. Our asking, our thinking, our praying are too small. Our expectations are too limited.

The potential for Twitter is spectacular and great.

That's what happens with writing. Ingredients bubble and cook. Material becomes substance.

When I was growing up, there were two things that were unpopular in my house. One was me, and the other was my guitar.

Our rewards in life will always be in exact proportion to the amount of consideration we show toward others.

You are one of the forces of nature.

There is no other way to judge the work of a mind except through its words.

A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.

If she be fair and wise, fairness and wit, The one's for use, the other useth it.