I always wanted to be the last guy on Earth, just to see if all those women were lying to me.

I was going to buy a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking", and then I thought: What good would that do?

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.

A lot of people wonder how you can tell if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this question: 'Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?'

I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew $5000 at a reincarnation. I got to thinking, what the hell, you only live once!

I was an ugly baby. On my birth certificate there was a listing for Probable Cause.

Where there's a will there's a dead person.

Relationships give us a reason to live. Revenge.

I like life. It's something to do.

When you choose to look down on something, you render yourself incapable of understanding it.

When you caremfor everyone.you never can find peace on your mind...

You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you're not part of their happiness.

No one person or material thing could ever come close to the feeling I get when the music is right.

I'm not happy. I'm not happy at all.

My prerogative right now is to just chill and let all the other overexposed blondes on the cover of Us Weekly (magazine) be your entertainment.

I was born the day I got my license. When I was a kid, if I wanted to go somewhere and see things, you have to get in your car and actually go.

Death is the greatest illusion of all.

I got quite bored when I was hanging in the air. I want to do it without a parachute next.

He not only overflowed with learning, but stood in the slop.