I always wanted to live in a haunted house.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

Micro meditations should be performed with very little activity. These practices should not be associated with any goal, concept or belief.

…of constipation of the brain & diarrhea of the mouth.

The empires of the future are the empires of the mind.

Maybe I was just lucky, but I had the best pregnancy, and I loved giving birth. It was just the most amazing thing, so surreal but so real.

When we kiss my heart's on fire, burning with a strange desire. And I know that every time I kiss you, that your heart's on fire, too.

I'm not an athlete. I'm a professional baseball player.

I essentially get to represent my community on television.

You are never really with a person unless you are alone with him.

It's hard to make strangers care about the good things in your life.

It is not from the tall crowded workhouse of prosperity that men first or clearest see the eternal stars of heaven.