I always wished my dad was there to intimidate my boyfriends or something. It's supposed to be your dad giving your guys friends the stink-eye for sneaking beer through your house, not your mom.

Passion always finds a way. Follow your passion and everything else will work out.

You know what happened the last time a group of people said, 'Screw it, we don't care what you think'? They got hung as witches.

Both are salty, one will give me carpal tunnel, I'll go with the fries.

Everyone has their personal topics. My comedy has always been very strong on observational humor, it stems from what I see every day in my life.

It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about being a girl, it's about being a funny comic.

If I could have any job I would be a cat... but that's not something I'm supposed to talk about in public.

As a comedian, as an entertainer, there's a lot of downtime. Once you can accept that comedy is a marathon, not a sprint, it gets a little easier.

I don't tend to like race jokes. I don't like Jew jokes and black jokes, and they make me very uncomfortable, probably because I'm both. Well, I'm not black - but if I was then I could dance better.

When you ask a girl out and she suggest a bar, you're answer shouldn't be great, I like that bar and they'll have the Rockets game on too.

I don't hate other women. Let me rephrase that: I hate other women and men - people in general can be annoying - but I've never disliked a woman for being beautiful.

No one will share your dreams until they come to reality let desire remain effervescent and never despair

Life is a race against disappearing time

It's her black wings that make her beautiful.

You have the dreams that you want, and then you have to do other jobs until you can get to that dream.

A perfume is an intimate object, it is the reflector of the heart.

Making is the mirror in which we see ourselves.

I just try to play tennis and don't find excuses. You know, I just lost because I lost, not because my arm was sore.

Why is JP Morgan getting so much heat? Maybe because it is a massive international crime syndicate.

I think punk, pop-punk, and rock music is all meshed together and I think good music is good music.

Love is weak when there is more doubt than there is trust, but love is most strong when you learn to trust even with all the doubts. If a thing loves, it is infinite.