I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick.

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

What's even more messed up than funerals, is the way people treat you after the funeral. Like you're diseased or something.

I think you have more fun as a human being even though it is much more painful.

You may need courage to say "NO", But you must be brave enough to say "YES" and not to do it

Do you want love, or do you want control?

The three phases of Santa belief: (1) Santa is real.(2) Santa isn't real.(3) Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

You may never know what results come of your actions, but if you do nothing, there will be no results.

Never assume greatness is for someone else. Imagine every day that you too can do great things. Have the courage to take the challenge, make the mistakes, and move forward.

It is in human nature to relax, when not compelled by personal advantage or disadvantage.

Language is the instrument in all cases and can language be trusted?If it were not for language, could we lie?

The biggest waste of water in the country by far. You spend half a pint and flush two gallons.