I am a comic writer, which means I get to slay the dragons, and shoot the bull.

About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.

Creativity comes from trust. Trust your instincts. And never hope more than you work.

Normal is the average of deviance.

You sell a screenplay like you sell a car. If someone drives it off a cliff, that's it.

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

Leroy bet me I couldn't find a pot of gold at the end, and I told him that was a stupid bet because the rainbow was enough.

I still miss those I loved who are no longer with me but I find I am grateful for having loved them. The gratitude has finally conquered the loss.

While the angels, all pallid and wan, Uprising, unveiling, affirm That the play is the tragedy, "Man", And its hero the Conqueror Worm.

When I got [my] library card, that was when my life began.

Be grateful for what you have and you will always have enough.

Get to know the real you, rather than try to look like or dress like those around you.

Teacher, there are things that I don't want to learn.

There are so many good authors; there's no shortage of them.

I have been to the world's end and back and now I know what I would put in my bottom drawer .I would put my sisters.

The truth just happens - lies take time to make.

There was that law of life, so cruel and so just, that one must grow or else pay more for remaining the same.

Advice and consent does not mean rubber stamp in the Senate.

Really, how bad is eating a piece of cake? Being bad is murdering someone. That's bad. Don't do that.

It's not terrible, I guess, but if Ricky Gervais was half as talented as me, maybe the show would actually be funny once in a while.