I am a freelancer. My services are available to anyone at any time.

We're not in an information age anymore. We're in the information management age.

Nerds get caught up in minutiae, because there is a tremendous and fulfilling sense of control in understanding every single detail of a thing more than any other living creature.

Bowling is all physics and energy distribution. It's F = ma. So it is actually one of the most science-y sports, because it literally is just a ball and a surface and objects to knock down.

When you hang around a lot of comedians long enough, you realize there's a certain gene, in every comedian. It's why we get hyper-analytical about things.

I do seem like the kind of guy who'd be obsessive about Rubik's Cubes.

No matter what tricks you use or what decisions you make, go easy on yourself as someone who's on a never-ending quest for improvement.

Steal moments of happiness if you have to, and then collect them until they are the dominant images in your psyche.

I almost think of nerd brains as rattlesnake venom; like, you can milk it. You can milk the pulpy venom out of the nerd brain and use it for good if you want to.

Humans cannot produce viable offspring with our closest animal cousin: the chimpanzee. We cannot impregnate a chimp. So you know what that means? No condoms.

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult.

See, people with power understand exactly one thing: violence.

Times change and we should change and grow, and yet be proud of our legacy.

When you abort the first born of any, nature takes its vengeance on the subsequent children.

I select people to work more closely when they are prepared to and I see that. They don't have to tell me. I know. I will give them a task of some type, and that task becomes the koan between us.

Having done stand-up on television and in stand-up specials for like Comedy Central, you learn quickly that for that type of performance you're playing to the camera.

There is no pedestrian culture [in South Central Los Angeles].

When you see yourself quoted in print and you’re sorry you said it, it suddenly becomes a misquotation.

That's gotta be the one remaining constant - jeans have gotta be tight, baby.

A modicum of discord is the very spice of courtship.

Whatever its symbol - cross or crescent or whatever - that symbol is man's reminder of his duty inside the human race.