I am a man. And I am former baby and a future skeleton, and I am a distant future pile of dust.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

The mind can atrophy, like the muscles, if it is not used.

Without the hard we stay too soft, and heaven is reduced to myths like life. Theology aside, it’s plain to see that God forbids we get too comfortable.

O, that's a brave man! He writes brave versrs, speaks brave words, swears brave oaths, and breaks them bravely,

If you believe in “luck”, always let it be good luck. Always choose to be "lucky", rather than "luckless".Be "happy", rather than "hapless".

I really never felt any tremendous aggravation or separation.

I never eat sushi. I have trouble eating things that are merely unconscious.

It sometimes is a disadvantage to be so very guarded. If a woman conceals her affection from the object of it, she may loose the opportunity of fixing him.

Why can I write 'South' with some assurance that you'll know I mean Richmond and don't mean Phoenix? What is it that the South's boundaries enclose?

I don't want to spend a month and a half in a studio with music I don't like, and fortunately I don't have to.

A celebrity is someone famous for being well known