I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

The mistakes we make when we are young are just as important to us as food or air. Without learning how to do things the wrong way, we can never learn how to do them the right way.

We should believe in the strength and vitality of the values which constitute the E.U. and which neighbouring states can believe in and aspire to join.

I believe that whatever comes at a particular time is a blessing from God.

Just in case God isn't dead, our astronauts carry sidearms.

For it is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child Himself.

We often feel paralyzed by choice and make no choice. But the thing is, no choice is a choice. If you’re not doing something about it, you’re doing something about it.

Well, I needed the work - that's the honest answer. I haven't worked for a while, a couple of years. So I thought it would be nice to get back to work and earn some money.

A rested face is a beautiful face. However you can, find your place of rest and peace.

Let us consider under what disadvantages Science has hitherto labored before we pronounce thus confidently on her progress.

One hopes that each piece contains enough space for several narratives.