I am a quick study - I can memorize a script in an hour - but I can't remember a name three seconds. I've even forgotten my wife's name on occasion.

Sometimes I wonder how I got into comedy at all.

I've been paying alimony since I was 14 and child support since 15. That's a joke, but not by much

I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the divot.

Maxwell is serious, dedicated, awkward, forgetful, pompous to a certain degree, sentimental.

It was a special show that became a cult classic of sorts, and I made a lot of money for it.

I like getting married, but I don't like being married.

I remember that the priest finally said to me, 'You wouldn't like to have a religion that makes things easy for you.' Now I know that both faith and intellect are components of religious belief.

I did movie star impressions as a kid in high school. Somehow they just got out of hand.

A man when he is making up to anybody can be cordial and gallant and full of little attentions and altogether charming. But when a man is really in love he can't help looking like a sheep.

The choices you make today design your future

I got my heart broken. My spirit got shattered and mutilated. I will not be coming back from this. I don’t want to.

When I was five or six, I asked to sing at a big family party, and ever since I got up there in front of everyone in my suit - it had a blue collar, like in 'Scarface' - I had the bug.

As I've been acting since I was young it's taught me to give a good speech, and, though I say so myself, I did it pretty well.

Stories. They're everywhere...You never know where they start and you certainly don't know where they'll end. If they ever DO end. (Nevermore)

The main division in the world is between democratic and undemocratic countries.

In a normal movie, you'd never see one guy talk for an entire page, whether good or bad.

I honestly don't know what they mean by a devout Catholic.

We're newspaper junkies; I can't imagine life without a newspaper.