I am addicted to hockey now. I've seen it on TV, but to be there? I had no idea that white people were having so much fun without me.

I thought 'Pineapple Express' was hilarious.

Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?

When you're babysitting a kid, all you're seeing is a version of them, a small dosage.

I am the comedy version of ambidextrous. I'm working with my left and right hand. I'm the two-sided coin. I'm all of those metaphors you can think of. I'm the interracial couple. I'm BET and CBS.

You're trying to make someone wet their pants and you're trying to make somebody crap in their pants. That's the motivation of a comic. Who else has that power?

All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.

You know how you put peanut butter on a piece of bread and the bread falls - it never falls on the bread side down, it always falls peanut butter side down. That's because of gravity.

You ever taste some damn chicken so horrible, that you wished the chicken would show up at your house and show your lady how to cook him?

Man, you can come see me six or seven times in a row and you'll never see the same show twice, because I don't like to be robotic onstage. I like to perform for that particular audience.

This Italian restaurant I'm at is authentic! When they seat you, they give you a mustache.

Your existence depends on what you have, not what you are.

Arrogance likes to appear humble in public.

God often works more by the life of the illiterate seeking the things that are God's, than by the ability of the learned seeking the things that are their own.

It's not curators, it's not critics, it's not the public, it's not collectors who find great artists - it's other artists.

I like to think that someone will trace how the deepest thinking of India made its way to Greece and from there to the philosophy of our times

I find no abhorring in my appetite.

We met the Jonas Brothers. Nick [Jonas] is so cute ... I don't think Reggie will get mad because [Nick] is, like, I really shouldn't say he's cute. It's a little inappropriate!

Off camera, I am not so quiet, I have a fun time, relaxed.

Absolute size by itself is no indicator of success and achievement, let alone of managerial competence. Being the right size is.

There are two kinds of Arctic problems, the imaginary and the real. Of the two, the imaginary are the most real.