I am an observant Jew! Now my secret is out.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

Half the world's starving; the other half is trying to lose weight.

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.

I call myself a 'domestic goddess.

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.

Anyone who limits her vision to memories of yesterday is already dead.

My family knew, but most of the sporting world did not realize that my right hand been some 75% paralyzed.

A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow.

In complete darkness, it is only knowledge and wisdom that separates us.

Well, while I'm here I'll do the work — and what's the work? To ease the pain of living. Everything else, drunken dumbshow.

A girl should get so lost in God, that a guy has to seek God to find her!

The secret of long life is double careers. One to about age sixty, then another for the next thirty years.

The gestures and the swagger and the attitude of black men is imitated everywhere in American culture, but people still find black men intolerable.

One of the pleasures of being a gardener comes from the enjoyment you get looking at other people's yards.

How Religion Works: If I obey, then God will love and accept me. The Gospel: I'm loved and accepted, therefore I wish to obey.