I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Never regret anything that made you smile.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

For parlour use the vague generality is a lifesaver.

A comedian is not funny unless he is taking his demons out for a walk.

A cowboy is a farm boy in leather britches and a comical hat.

Calculators can only calculate - they cannot do mathematics.

To be quite blunt, I make pictures for money, to pay the rent.There are some great artists in the business. I am not one of them.

Dale Earnhardt told me it doesn't matter if fans boo or cheer, as long as they're making noise.

I always find it funny when I watch actors talking about, "I chose to do this part." A lot of times it's you're lucky to get the job. We're like, "Thank you so much."

Microcredit has shown how you can reach out to people that conventional banking cannot. It has demonstrated that it's a doable proposition.

Nine, now eight. Are the rest of you out there?

You can't TV surf without coming across an Andy of Mayberry episode where you've just got to watch Don as Barney. And that's why I put Don in several of my movies.