I am, and have always been, a pornographic angel.

In football, the worst blindness is only seeing the ball.

Until the day when a wise black man can become our ambassador in Paris, we will forever be a pre-Brazil.

The bed is a metaphysical piece of furniture.

I envy stupidity, stupidity is eternal.

Love is impossible without bite marks.

Memory is a swindler, a forger emeritus of facts and figures.

To love is to be faithful to those who cheat on us.

Money buys everything, even true love.

Not all women like being beaten up. Only the normal ones.

I only believe in those who can still blush.

I knew I was not alone. They would never leave until ever last one of us was gone.

The minute you think you have the right to belittle others because you think you’re better than them is the same minute you’ve proven you’re worse.

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense dancing.

Why do we laugh at such terrible things? Because comedy is often the sarcastic realization of inescapable tragedy.

If I sang the way I talk it would sound like "Tommy Steele sings Muddy Waters!"

His embrace was my drug of choice, and as any addict knew, one sampling was way too many and a thousand never enough.

My words are a whisper, your deafness a shout.

But let the good old corn adorn The hills our fathers trod; Still let us, for his golden corn, Send up our thanks to God!

Ben Carson says his flat tax will be around 15 percent. And by God, if he ever shows you the details, you'll see how awesome and deficit-killing it is.

Liberals never, ever should be back in power. Never.