I am constantly being asked about individuals. The only way to win is as a team. Football is not about one or two or three star players.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Weber, ... argues that... personal bias should not preclude the scientific ascertainment of objective historical facts.

To Donal Trump, making America great means making the people great. To the political cast, conversely, making America great means making government great.

The present changes the past. Looking back you do not find what you left behind.

I bet you a handful of Chili's coupons that Jesus had a foot fetish.

May you be satisfied to never know why-sometimes someone just wants to die.

Happiness is indeed a Eurydice, vanishing as soon as gazed upon. It can exist only in acceptance, and succumbs as soon as it is laid claim to.

My motto is strong packaging, clear addressing.

When I'm at home, I want to be a normal person. I don't want to hear, 'Can I have your autograph?'

I hate that whole Tarantino thing about beating up women and killing them and chopping up. Just because you have the mind of a 12 year old.

The Tube is a vehicle for selling things, not for exploring ideas.