I am happy doing standup so I don't ever want to stop doing it. But I wouldn't mind venturing off and doing other things that are creative.

You know what's fun? You pick somebody at random, like out of the phone book, and send them about 100 'Just Because' cards. They can't even ask you why you did it.

Go my favorite sports team go! Score a goal. Unit. Basket. Go squadron! Defeat the opponents soundly in this...skirmish.

I think the serving size of ice cream is when you hear the spoon hit the bottom of the container.

If you were to second guess your decision to book some time to visit an Indian community, that would be a reservation reservation reservation.

A formula for comedy is comedy equals tragedy plus time. A difficult or uncomfortable situation takes place, and then you laugh about it later down the road.

The big yellow one is the sun!

I was at the breakfast table this morning and I read in the newspaper that more and more adults are living at home with their parents. That surprised me, I was like Mom did you read this?

Racquetball is the only sport where simultaneously you can be looking at the ball and it'll hit you in the back of the head at 90 miles per hour.

I hate getting off the elevator on the wrong floor? Anyone ever do that... and then you have to turn around and face those people. I feel like I owe everyone in there an explanation.

If Einstein was so smart how come people only call you 'Einstein' when you do something really stupid ?

you're an expert at sorry and keeping the lines blurry

A blink of an eye is what separates you from reality.

I have forsaken her for a place I will never belong, but will always remain under her spell, forever to be, a child of my motherland.

Rightly onward, pursue your dreams.

He never wanted to be away from her. She had the spark of life.

Belief in God is apparently a psychological artifact of mammalian reproduction.

This happened to the people. The Constitution says of the people, by the people, for the people... but the people who got the office, got into office and forgot about the people.

I think that some works are more accessible than others.

Make sure your vision is biblical. You want to make sure you can defend the vision biblically.

Big-heartednes s is the most essential virtue on the spiritual journey.