I am no fan of books.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

The future begins today.

Don’t rebel, but give God the opportunity to change your life and help you over the problems of youth, for they are many.

Bonhoeffer did not expect his life to be a tidy edifice of perfection.

When blame has been assigned, the story is over.

I can't start writing until I have a closing line.

Well, dojo is a traditional Japanese word for training hall.

Oh these foolish men! They could not create so much as a worm, but they create gods by the dozens.

I respect my work. But also I think it's very superficial.

Art has absolutely changed my life.

When love and discipline come together you have great chemistry.