I am so pro-swine flu... I want it. We need a plague. It's got to happen; don't be afraid. It's only going to kill the weak.

To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I'm just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.

Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich?

Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.

God's everywhere, but I gotta go down (to church) to see him? Really? And he's mad at me down there, and I owe you money?

Let's go to Brunch. What a great idea! Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you can go pay $18 for eggs? Now, you're thinking.

Surround yourself with positive people. Also, be a positive person. Root for people. Somebody else's success is not your failure.

My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious.

Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10.

I've never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It's always the little things that do me in.

Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into.

Raising a child is a time of RAPID CHANGE! From the ages of 0 to 19, a PARENT can age over 30 years!

I believe that the sphere of service, your career, the plan which God has mapped out for you and prepared for you, is the greatest agency in His hands to conform You to His character and to His will.

The principles which men give to themselves end by overwhelming their noblest intentions.

Bridget's anger evaporated and the sadness came back. The anger was easier. She owned and contolled it, whereas the sadness owned her.

What a fool you must be," said my head to my heart, or my sterner to my softer self.

but I don't want to wear a condom because I don't feel anything," and she says calmly... glaring at me,"If you don't use one you're not going to feel anything anyway.

When I was 13, I remember crying on my mum's shoulder when my first girlfriend dumped me via MSN Messenger. That was cold.

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.

Motherhood is a biological fact, while fatherhood is a social invention.

I was very interested in vaudeville. It was the only sort of discipline that was a five-minute act on stage, which is what I really enjoyed and saw myself doing. And I bought books on it.