I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Learn to do common things uncommonly well

The exposed nature of life in the public square affects leaders' attitudes toward risk - and failure.

Had I found the back of the net it would have been a double satisfaction but I've scored many goals and the important thing was for me to play well.

Asia discovered two remedies for the cruelty of man, art and religion. America discarded both and is drowning in hate and aggressivity.

We are limited only by our lack of creativity. Our buildings should symbolize the exuberance of a free nation that encourages individual effort and creativity.

I have reason to be shy. I've been hurt plenty.

The first of all beautiful things is the continual possession of God.

I log out of Twitter on my computer so I have to log in and then I log back out.

Johnny Carson started the jokes about me and Marlin in his monologues.

Knowledge is like money, the more a man gits the more he hankers for.