I am what they call a chubby-skinny guy. I appear to be normal and have the look of an in-shape man, but if we were to go to a pool party I would go with my shirt on.

You ever spent eight hours acting in water? It's a lot easier to get in and out of a bath. Hot tubs are bad news for actors, man.

I love Billy Joel. I cry sometimes when I hear 'The Stranger.' 'You May Be Right' may be one of the greatest songs ever written.

At around 19 I realized that I really didn't have any skills other than making people laugh, so I should probably pursue it full-time.

There's a common misconception with sketch comedy that you just go up there and wing it, but it's written, and there really is order.

For me, why would a Jew want to go anywhere in history ever? I'm only going to have to run.

I think journalism can come from anywhere, and comedy can certainly come from anywhere.

Well, you can't improvise story, which is a fact. If you could, the budget would be insane.

The only place I want to travel to is the United States Of America from 2008 to 2016. Anywhere else is a horribly dangerous time for women and minorities.

I love Obama. He's my favorite president of all time. I have a giant picture in my apartment in New York that is of his Chicago Tribune cover, Mr. President.

America is never great. America is great in what it can be, which is the American dream.

It is a characteristic of human beings that if they haven’t got a family of their own, they will invent one.

Aliens are within the human genes.

Away with all these gods and godlings

Nurse Rozetta, I won't let her catch me peering down her sweeter.

I like the assumption that everyone is trying his best, and we should all just be kind to each other.

Many women are now holding posts of grave responsibility in city and country and state and nation, and their number must be greatly increased.

I like boots that are comfortable. Better for fit and touch as well.

It is in falling down that we learn almost everything that matters spiritually.

I like to wear classic silhouettes and add a punch to it.

I feel somewhat responsible for the Borders Books bankruptcy.