I appreciate that the New York Daily News will show dead bodies but blur the cover of a French parody magazine. Just out of respect, right guys?

While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.

The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.

I'm embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don't like.

What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?

Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don't walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don't like.

People are dumb and they think that laughing equals cosigning a belief in the ideology, which it doesn't.

I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.

I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.

I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great. After three years she wants to run out and find a guy that doesn't hit her.

Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.

How you ever gonna reach the starsIf you never get off the ground?

This is the heart of prayer—not getting things from God, but getting God.

Give me neither poverty nor riches feed me with food convenient for me.

There is no point asserting and reasserting what the heart cannot believe.

I think you can have a whole terrific, smart career as a second and third banana and work more and have much less risk than the lead guy. But I like being the lead guy.

I used to dream of being normal. For me, if Kirk Douglas walked into the house, that was normal.

In my life, I've had estates in Russia, houses in Spain, in Norway, in the deep south of America.

Reading just had a great five-man move that involved everyone.

The number one quality is charisma. You have to be able to connect with the audience. That is that magic "it" factor that designates a star from someone who is just never going to be a star.

Seek to get more deeply involved in the business that you are in. If I had to distill it down into one word, you have to be curious as a professional.