I argue very well. Just ask any of my remaining friends.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Plus d'un qui n'a pu liberer ses propres chaines a su pourtant en liberer son ami.

The heart that gives, gathers.

Humans are the greatest sacred resources.

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.

I grew up in the 1950s and '60s, when it was almost a holiday when a black act would go on Ed Sullivan.

I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.

She tried to walk softly and wished the trees wouldn't stare at her so.

Ah yes! Conservatives. Some of the finest minds of the 12th Century.

I am not political. It is not my job. But I would be happy if politicians could read my work and draw some conclusions from it.

Live a good long life. Grow old and die after I do. And if you can, die laughing.