I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.

Knowledge is borrowed wisdom is unique.

Great grace, great life.

I'm afraid our sun is nothing like whatever defined.

Human history in essence is the history of ideas.

For those dependent on their gardens for fresh food, it was often a case of feast or famine... (One settler wrote), "Strawberries were now so plentiful that... I made 287 lbs of jam..."

We keep thinking of deity as a kind of fact, somewhere; God as a fact. God is simply our own notion of something that is symbolic of transcendence and mystery. The mystery is what’s important.

You cannot describe truly what you are but you can enjoy and directly experience what you are. Therein lies the joy of existence.

ENERGY RIGHTLY APPLIED CAN ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING.

I decided not to give the haters the satisfaction that they got me so bad I gave up.

A pretty little collection of weaknesses and a terror of spiders are our indispensable stock-in-trade with the men...