I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

We go to poetry, we go to literature in general, to be forwarded within ourselves.

I forgot more than you'll ever know.

Proof ... was a conclusion built on a pyramid of facts, a broad base of accepted information on which more specific assertions were made.

We cannot hate those who we despise.

Happiness is love, nothing else. A man who is capable of love is happy.

What is life but an unpleasant interruption to a peaceful nonexistence.

When I was 7 years old, my father asked me a simple question. He said, 'do you want to see someone fly?' What 7 year old boy is gonna say no to that?

The Christian life is what you do when you realize that you can do nothing.

It is as well now and then not to remember all we know.